pairofraggedclaws

Title: i'll give up, i'll give in
Fandom: 9-1-1
Rating: E
Word count: 3994
Characters/pairings: Buck/Eddie
Summary: At some point Eddie couldn’t help but become very conscious of what he wanted. Between then and now was just the long, painful process of figuring out how to actually ask Buck to give it to him. It’s not that Eddie’s shy about sex, but this is different. Just asking will make him vulnerable, because he wants it so fucking much.

Eddie wanted it for a long time before he got up enough courage to talk to Buck about it.

At first, it wasn’t even a coherent idea to put into words; it was just moments, moments that left Eddie hot and wanting something he didn't have a name for. Buck, laughing, pressing his wrists into the mattress for a split second, and Eddie going hot all over. Some weren't even moments, just images in his mind, or scraps of images. Buck, pushing him against the wall, keeping him there. Buck, getting a tight hold in Eddie’s hair and pulling him down onto Buck’s cock, hard.

They were just thoughts, ones he shook off and didn’t pay much attention to, because, he told himself, they couldn't matter. He was having plenty of sex with Buck, and he could have him any way he wanted him. And he did. But the images never went away; if anything they got stronger. Having regular sex with Buck meant his imagination had that much more to work with.

At some point Eddie couldn’t help but become very conscious of what he wanted. Between then and now was just the long, painful process of figuring out how to actually ask Buck to give it to him. It’s not that Eddie’s shy about sex, but this is different. Just asking will make him vulnerable, because he wants it so fucking much. And if Buck says yes, doing it will make him even more vulnerable – the most vulnerable he has maybe ever been with Buck, in some ways. It’ll be a side of himself that doesn’t see the light of day ninety-nine or possibly one hundred percent of the time, a side that Eddie is quite frankly pretty embarrassed by. Embarrassed enough that he’d forget about all this if he could.

But he can’t.

Now they sit at Eddie’s kitchen table, in the aftermath of Eddie’s halting explanation of what he's been thinking about. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck is reacting, because he can’t look at Buck at all. He’s just staring at the table, and he can feel that he’s turning red, his face and especially his ears, which reach a truly absurd level of redness when he blushes.

Eddie should have checked the time when he finished talking so he’d know how long they’ve been sitting here in silence. As it is, he’d believe it had been five seconds or half an hour.

“Okay,” Buck says, finally, or not finally if it’s closer to the five second range. “Hell yeah.”

Eddie looks up at that. “Yeah?” he says, painfully hopeful to his own ears.

“Hell yeah,” Buck says emphatically. “Did – did you think I’d be freaked out or something?”

Eddie blows out a breath. “I’m not really sure. I’ve just never – and I didn’t know if you’d want to, or if I’d make things weird, or…I don’t know.”

“You’re not making anything weird,” Buck says. “And lucky for you, I know what I’m doing.”

“You do,” Eddie says, eyebrows raising.

Buck half-shrugs, a little self-deprecating. “I dated a shibari instructor once. Or, you know, we hooked up for a while, and some of the hooking up was on the kinkier side.”

“Shibari?” Eddie says.

“Yeah, it’s super cool! It's rope bondage, basically, but it can get really intricate. Great for distributing weight well and all that kind of stuff,” Buck says with enthusiasm. “Actually, the class really helped my knot-tying abilities generally.”

“You went to your hookup’s class?” Eddie says, not surprised but fond. Of course Buck knows this stuff.

“Went to the class, she was the instructor, we started hooking up after,” Buck says. “But forget all that. Let’s talk about you.”

“Me,” Eddie says, a little weakly. He thought the terrifying part of this conversation was over, but Buck is regarding him with a glint in his eye that’s making Eddie’s heart rate go up again.

“I just have some questions!” Buck says, affecting wide-eyed innocence. “Just one or two.”

Buck has a lot of questions. He asks Eddie about his preferences, what he’s done, what he’s thought about, what he’d never want to do. Most of all, he asks about what ideas turn Eddie on, then asks clarifying questions about those. It is by far the most mortifying, terrible, awful, and arousing conversation Eddie has ever had, and by the time Buck is satisfied, Eddie’s overheated from blushing, possibly over his whole body, and is more than half-hard in his jeans.

Buck’s suppressing a smile, not very effectively, as he stands up. “I’m just gonna grab some water.”

Eddie rubs his hand over his face. Buck comes back with two glasses of water. Eddie takes a grateful swig and presses the cool glass to his forehead for a moment.

“I’m on board,” Buck says. “So yeah, did you want to ask me anything?”

Eddie sips at his water. “Well,” he says slowly, “I just want to make sure you’ll be – getting something out of this, I guess? So far it just seems like a lot of work for you.”

“It’s not gonna be work, believe me. And hey,” Buck winks at him, “you can return the favor sometime.”

That incites some fresh images in his head that are distracting in a whole new way he hadn’t even considered, preoccupied as he was with other ideas.

“Deal,” Eddie says.

They don’t do anything that day, just hang out and watch a movie. Eddie clings close to Buck, in a way he doesn’t always. He just – wants to be close to him now that he’s bared this chunk of his soul. Buck doesn’t seem to mind.

By the time they actually try something, the anticipation has ratcheted even higher in Eddie. They talked generally about today; what's on the table, and what isn't. But Eddie has no idea what specifically is going to happen. He gets to Buck’s loft already wired and manages to drop his keys twice before he gets the door open.

Buck’s in the kitchen, finishing a load of dishes. He smiles blindingly at Eddie, turns off the water, and dries his hands.

“Hey,” Eddie says.

Buck kisses him, soft and closed-mouthed. “Hey,” he says. “Wanna go upstairs?”

“I really do,” Eddie says. Buck laughs and kisses him again.

They trade kisses all the way up to the loft, and Eddie is slightly – slightly – more relaxed by the time they get to the bed.

“Listen,” Buck says. “Just as like, a disclaimer or whatever…we can stop anytime, for anything. Tell me if anything’s wrong. Even if it’s something small.”

“You too,” Eddie says quietly.

“I will,” Buck says. He looks at Eddie appraisingly, and asks a question with his eyes; you ready?

Eddie nods, his heart pounding with nerves.

“Alright, kneel down there,” Buck says, using his chin to point to the floor, right next to the bed. His tone is so casual and unchanged that it takes Eddie a moment to register his words as anything other than normal conversation.

Eddie swallows hard and sinks down to kneel alongside the bed, facing towards the head. It feels absurd. “Like this?” he says awkwardly.

“I’ll tell you if I want you to do something different,” Buck says. He’s getting the bed ready, pulling back the covers. “And if I want you to say something, I’ll tell you that too.” There’s not exactly an edge in his voice, just firm implacability.

Eddie, about to say some other banal and awkward thing to fill the silence, snaps his mouth shut, heat crawling down his spine.

Buck tosses a small bottle of lube on the bed, followed by a hank of dark blue rope. He’s not even really looking at Eddie, not that he’s ignoring him, but he’s acting like – like Eddie’s just one more object in the room.

Eddie keeps thinking of things to say, bits of banter or commentary on what they’re doing, and then swallowing the words before he says them. He chews on his bottom lip as Buck uncoils the rope, pulling it through one hand as if he’s feeling its condition.

“Take your shirt off,” Buck says, still looking at the rope, not at Eddie. Eddie pulls it off extremely quickly, but Buck doesn’t comment, just says, “Put it on the bed.” Eddie does.

They have done absolutely nothing, and have in fact been at this – whatever it could even be called at this point – for about five minutes. Eddie’s already getting hard, and is rapidly progressing from being desperate for Buck to touch him to being desperate for Buck to just look at him.

“Hands behind your back,” Buck says. He walks behind Eddie, sitting on the edge of the bed where Eddie can’t see him at all. The back of his neck tingles.

Eddie puts his hands behind his back, and jolts minutely at Buck's touch. Closely following it is the rough slide of the rope, and Buck moves and manipulates Eddie’s arms where he needs them as he wraps the rope around his wrists.

“Is that too tight?” Buck asks.

Eddie opens his mouth, closes it, ducks his head forward as he shakes it. Every time he almost speaks and then doesn’t, it feels like another tongue of flame is licking down his spine.

“You can answer me,” Buck says, voice warm and amused, and Eddie's skin prickles with embarrassment and arousal.

Eddie wasn’t quite prepared for this, he thinks, even though he was probably as prepared as he could be. He just didn’t know Buck would be like this, so – himself, somehow.

So himself, but - not. It’s almost like they’re bantering like normal, except Buck is being just a little mean about it.

Eddie remembers sitting at his own kitchen table, blushing red hot as he said, I want you to push me around, I want you to be in charge, I want you to call me names, just a little. It was all true, then as now, but Eddie, as always, wasn’t prepared for the Buck of it all. Buck always sees more than Eddie can express, and often understands more about Eddie than Eddie does about himself, and now Eddie is here, on his knees, shirtless in his jeans while Buck ties his hands behind his back and treats him like – like a cute little pet.

“Come on, baby, it's a simple question,” Buck says, with his mouth very close to Eddie’s ear. “Yes, Buck, it's too tight. No, Buck, it's not too tight.”

“No, Buck,” Eddie says, and he hears Buck chuckle.

Buck doesn’t say anything, though, just keeps going; Eddie thought he was done, but apparently that was just the preliminaries. Buck keeps wrapping the rope up and up his arms, pausing often to tie another knot. A few times he asks Eddie if it’s too tight, and Eddie says, “No, Buck.”

Every time he says it, shivery heat sinks into his belly. And then Buck goes back to his work.

Eventually, Buck comes around in front of him, sitting on the edge of the bed again.

“Still feel okay?” Buck says, and fuck, now Eddie can finally see him again and he is pretty much drinking him in. Buck’s still fully dressed, but Eddie can see he’s hard. Eddie absolutely longs to touch him, more than he knew he could; Buck just looks so fucking good and Eddie wants to put his hands, his mouth on him. “Pull at it a little, just to make sure.”

Eddie obediently pulls against the ropes a little; they feel fine, not tight but very secure and surprisingly comfortable. And another thing that Eddie didn’t expect – soothing, like it makes his mind go quiet a little to be bound like this.

“Yeah?” Buck says.

“Yes, Buck,” Eddie says, looking up at him.

Buck takes a quick little breath in, biting his lip, and holy fuck, has Buck been so into that this whole time? “Good,” Buck says.

Then, without preamble, Buck is tugging his shirt over his head, shoving his pants and boxers down. Eddie’s eyes rove hungrily over all that skin, his broad shoulders and the taper of his waist, the hair that grows on his solid thighs. And of course his cock, hard and a pretty, dusky pink. Eddie licks his lips reflexively and Buck smiles, eyes dark.

“Enjoying the view?” Buck says.

After a moment of expectant silence, Eddie realizes Buck is actually asking. He licks his lips again. “Yes, Buck,” he says, voice rasping a little on Buck’s name. He can’t stop looking, torn between Buck’s face, the hot, dark way he’s looking at Eddie, and Buck’s cock, fuck, he wants it in his fucking mouth, now.

Buck comes to stand in front of Eddie, wrapping a hand around himself, stroking once, twice. “Those jeans are looking a little tight,” he says. “I bet they feel tight, huh?”

“Yes,” Eddie says. Fuck, Eddie can hear how turned on he is - and more than that, how obedient he sounds, how docile.

“C’mon,” Buck says, and pulls Eddie up to his feet. He unbuttons Eddie’s jeans and drags the zipper down, slowly. Without touching Eddie at all, he pulls his jeans down along with his boxers, has Eddie sit on the edge of the bed to pull them off fully, tossing them on the bed. He smiles at Eddie, that way he does, and kisses him warmly before helping him right back down to his knees. Eddie shivers, his cock hanging hard and hot between his legs. It aches for a touch, but Buck doesn’t seem like he’s gonna right now – and Eddie can’t touch himself, no matter how much he wants to. His cock twitches at the thought.

Buck laughs, obviously noticing. “You look good like this, baby. I bet it feels good.” He strokes himself again, just slowly, lightly. “All tied up like this. I bet you didn’t even know how much you would like it. And even though you’re so hard, so ready…all you need is a little touch…you can’t have it. Not until I decide you can.” His smile is devilish. “And you love that, don’t you.”

Eddie swallows. “Yes, Buck.”

“I can tell,” Buck says with a slightly mocking tone, dropping his eyes to Eddie’s cock, eyes lingering meaningfully as it twitches hard. “You love it. You love being on your knees, you were fucking made for it.” He looks Eddie in the eye. “Weren’t you.”

“Yes,” Eddie says, on fucking fire.

Buck edges forwards until his cock is in front of Eddie’s face, so close to him. Eddie’s mouth might actually be watering. Buck doesn’t move, and after a minute Eddie cannot take it anymore and leans forward to get his mouth around Buck’s cock. Buck shifts back so Eddie can’t reach, leaving him leaning forward, mouth open.

“You want my cock?” Buck asks.

“Yes,” Eddie says, riveted as he watches wetness form at the tip. His fingers flex uselessly behind his back.

“Yeah? You want my cock in your mouth?” Buck says. “You want me to fuck your mouth? Treat you like the pretty toy you are?”

Eddie stares up at Buck, mouth working silently. Buck’s hand slides into his hair, stroking through it before getting a tight grip that makes Eddie gasp.

“I asked you a question, Eddie,” Buck says.

Eddie is on fire, he is burning, he is going so red he might break his ability to blush for the rest of his life. “Yes, Buck,” he says raggedly, “yes.”

Buck moves in closer, just a little, and Eddie reflexively tries to lean closer. Buck’s hand tightens cruelly in his hair, pulling his head back and making him moan.

“Ask nicely,” Buck says teasingly.

Fuck, fuck. Eddie closes his eyes, opens them to look up pleadingly at Buck. Remembers saying, Make me beg you, saying, it’s hard for me to say please, saying, I want you to push me far enough that I will.

Buck moves closer still, until his cock is just in line with Eddie’s mouth and not more than an inch away, his hold on Eddie’s hair still keeping him still. Eddie strains a little against it and gets nowhere.

Fuck, he’s so close – he just wants – he wants to feel Buck in his mouth, he wants to touch, to taste, wants to be filled, and he’s so close but he can’t touch.

“Buck,” Eddie says with a whine in his voice. “Buck – “

“What do you want, pretty thing?” Buck says, voice rough with arousal. “Tell me what you want.”

Eddie’s chest is heaving like he just ran a mile. “Your – your cock,” he says haltingly. “I want to suck your cock. I want – ”

Buck’s yanking his head back farther, exposing his throat. “Ask nicely,” he says as Eddie moans shakily.

“Please,” Eddie gasps, and once he says it he can’t stop saying it. “Please, please, Buck, please…”

Buck’s hand finally loosens and his cock is right there, actually dripping now. “Suck me,” he says, rough and low, and Eddie actually moans with relief when he gets his mouth on Buck. Buck moves his hand to Eddie’s shoulder, giving him something to lean against so he doesn’t have to hold himself tense the entire time.

Eddie wraps his lips around the tip of Buck’s cock, sucking lightly, then takes more, going slowly. God, it feels so fucking good, Eddie is still hard and aching and untouched but doing this makes him settle a little, feeling more grounded. Buck’s so hard, so hot, and he tastes so fucking good. Eddie sucks again, then pulls off to run his tongue up the shaft, lick at the tip and get the wetness gathering there.

“Fuck,” Buck says, “fuck you feel so good. So fucking – so fucking pretty like this. I thought – oh – I really thought that would take a lot more – thought you’d hold out longer before begging for my cock – “

Eddie, his lips wrapped around Buck, wants to shake his head, deny that was him, deny that he gave in almost instantly. All he can do is moan around Buck’s length.

“ – but I guess you just needed it that badly, right, Eddie? Poor thing.” Buck pets his hair, strokes his incandescently hot ears. He’s lit up with arousal, brightest at his aching cock and his nipples and god, his mouth, so full, feeling so good and crawling with shame at the same time. He hears Buck’s voice in his mind, over and over. Poor thing. Poor thing.

Eddie bobs his head, taking Buck in deep as Buck moans. Then Buck’s holding him still again, one hand still on his shoulder, one back in his hair, as Buck’s hips arch forward. He fucks Eddie’s mouth, just like he said he would – treat you like the pretty toy you are, Eddie thinks feverishly – not hard, probably aware Eddie doesn’t have too much ability to pull back if he goes too hard. Eddie does as much as he can, sucking, dragging his tongue on the underside, relaxing his throat as much as possible.

Buck curses, a little frantic. “Eddie,” he says, voice ruined, “Eddie, you have no fucking idea, fuck.”

Eddie hums a little to hear Buck curse again. Buck throws his head back, his hand in Eddie’s hair going slack, and Eddie takes the opportunity to take Buck as deep as he can again, swallowing around him.

“Oh, fuck,” Buck says, and he’s gasping and moaning and coming as Eddie keeps swallowing, keeps swallowing until it’s all gone and Buck pulls out of his mouth.

Buck strokes his fingers through Eddie’s hair, and Eddie leans into it as Buck catches his breath. “Such a pretty toy,” Buck murmurs, and Eddie’s hips twitch of their own accord.

He pulls Eddie up to sit on the edge of the bed again, collapsing next to him. “I’m not done with you yet,” Buck says, “but you’ve been tied up about as long as you should be.”

Eddie makes an affirmative sound as Buck starts undoing the knots. It’s not like earlier, when he was acutely aware of what he would normally say and holding back; now he feels more like his words are just…gone. He doesn't need them where he is, floating.

Buck gets them undone and Eddie winces as he stretches. As good as the rope felt, Buck was right that it was time to be done. Buck gets a glass of water from the night table – Eddie never even noticed it – and even though Eddie’s arms are free now, he holds it for Eddie, tipping it to Eddie’s mouth for him to drink.

Then Buck pushes him until he’s lying on the bed on his back, Buck stretching out next to him. Eddie gasps at the feeling of Buck’s hand on his cock.

“Now what,” Buck says, “am I going to do with this?” He starts stroking Eddie, pauses to squirt lube on his hand, and goes back to it, a slow, delicious drag that Eddie can’t help but arch into, at least until Buck pushes his hips flat on the bed. “Stay still, baby. You can do that, right?”

Eddie just looks back at him until he remembers. “Yes,” he says, his voice hoarse. It’s a little hard to speak, to get the word out, but it’s okay.

Buck keeps going like that, stroking him slow and wet. He kisses him too, and uses his other hand to touch Eddie all over. After however long on his knees, untouched and unable to touch himself, it feels fucking amazing, like his skin is singing.

He’s so pent up; it doesn’t take long before that feeling starts to build in his cock. And he knows Buck can tell because as he gets closer and closer to coming, Buck slows down more and more. It’s agonizing – just that slow, wet drag, and he’s so close, so fucking close, and Buck slows down again, but it isn’t going to matter, it isn’t – he’s so –

It feels too good and he’s coming, hips arching and thrusting despite Buck’s order to stay still, and he clutches Buck closer to him as he comes. Then he’s shaking through the aftershocks, breathing hard, and Buck kisses him softly.

He might fall asleep for a bit after that, or maybe he’s just lost in that floating state in his mind. He’s not sure for how long – but the light has definitely changed the next time he’s feeling awake again. Buck has him sit up again and drink water, then lays him gently down, wrapping around him like an octopus. Bucktopus, Eddie thinks, and strokes his hair contentedly.

“So, uh,” Eddie says. “You’re kinda good at that.”

“You sound so surprised,” Buck says. “I told you I knew things!”

“I believed you,” Eddie says, smiling. It’s nice to be back to just normal Buck and Eddie, as fun as everything was. “Experiencing it was something else. In a good way, just a side of you I hadn’t seen before.”

“Look who’s talking,” Buck says, wiggling in closer to him. “I mean, we talked beforehand, I knew what kind of stuff you were interested in, obviously. But damn.” He raises his head enough so that Eddie can see him waggle his eyebrows. “Definitely brought out some stuff in me.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie says.

“Yeah,” Buck says, and Eddie is fascinated to see him redden. “You’re very hot, it’s a problem. Now let’s go to sleep, okay? I don’t wanna do anything until dinnertime.”

Eddie smiles at the ceiling. “Yes, Buck,” he murmurs, and laughs when Buck squeezes him tighter for a second.

“You, actually,” Buck says, “can never say that again in a non-sexual context. You ruined a completely normal and utilitarian phrase, good work.”

“You told me to say – “ Eddie says, “it’s not like I thought of it!”

“Nap, be quiet, I’m sleeping,” Buck says, and Eddie can feel him smiling against his neck.